bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
