I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
