SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
