Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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