remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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