Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
