How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
