I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
