I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
