Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
