Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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