Porn is love you can see.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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