Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
