Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My balls are so social today.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
