Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
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you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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