I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
