I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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