I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Houston, we have a blender
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
