He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
