Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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