Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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