I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
