I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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