Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
