Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
