i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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