do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
