also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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