In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
