You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is Oprah even human
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
