I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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