I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
