I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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