Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
