is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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