where am i from again
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
