i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
