I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
