either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
