Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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