Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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