I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
