I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
