she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
