She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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