I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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