dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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