I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
