just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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