if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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