My first STD was from a foam party
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
