I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
