I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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