Your dad touched me again.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
