Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
