I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
