We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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