hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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