the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
