I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
