he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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