i may or may not be watching the land before time
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
