That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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