he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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